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Best Zombie joke ever

A Zombie is a being that has died and then risen from the dead. They are otherwise known as the "Living Dead" or the "Undead". They commonly appear in horror novels and movies. Though thought to not exist, it appears that there have been recent zombie sightings.


Zombies are said to have originated from ancient voodoo practices where voodoo witch doctors(sometimes called bokers in there native lands) have reanimated corpses through magical means. a process like this would ussually require a "zombie powder", made with sharp, small needles that puncture the skin and allow a deadly nuerotoxin to paralyze the victim and destroy the part of the the brain where you can make decisions. The purpose of these ressurrections is to control the bodies like puppets, making them completely subserviant to the will of the one who raised them. They obey the commands of the necromancer without question, performing whatever tasks put before them. They will remain active until the spell is broken or until the one who raised them dies. The common zombie archetype of modern times is a product of Hollywood and has only existed for a few decades. The creation of this form of zombie varies; in George A. Romero's Living Dead films, zombies were recently deceased people brought to life by some form of radiation from outer space. In more realistic formats, zombies have been created by viral infection (eg. the Resident Evil games). in most viral infections, virus's can spread through the zombie making contact with broken skin. in the walking dead, the virus is in the air also, so if you die any other way besides a zombie, you still reawaken when the virus takes over the hosts brain. in a realistic setting a viral infection would be understandable.  

Physical Appearence Edit

Zombies have the same body shape as living humans. However, their skin is pale, yellow and deep crimson bloody red color from decomposition. Pieces of flesh tend to fall off any part of the body because of their rotting bodies. Zombies' eyes tend to fall out sometimes or are permanently bloodshot or pale white.

A drawing of a Zombie.

 Their fingernails have grown and may even be classified as claws.

Nature Edit

Zombies are always violent and are usually searching for living organs and flesh to eat. The reason behind this is yet to be discovered. Zombies appear and attack in very large groups and are never alone, unless that zombie is the only one. They are not aware of these groups. They accidentally make these groups. Zombies are attracted to sounds, since it could be food, so they go to any sound they hear. They have no hiarchy. They are unphased by most obstacles (They don't even notice, they only notice the meal on the other side) and can't destroy them with ease, but it should be noted that a group of persistant zombies could take down an obstacle that a healthy human would tire from trying to do so. A zombie's will pursue all prey until it is either eaten or gone out of their sensory range.

How to fight Zombies Edit

Zombies are very dim-witted and are easily outsmarted by almost anyone. The best thing to do is to take advantage of their very slow speed and run to find weapons, or to set traps that can catch groups of at least 8 at a time. Avoid getting cornered. You will die if you get cornered, as all it takes is a bite. When a weapon is in one's possession it is advised to take away the most dangerous parts of a zombie's anatomy. The head and/or the hands. If a zombie manages to scratch someone they will be fatally wounded. The same goes for a Zombie bite. First-aid may not work well enough to keep the victim alive until the end of the attack.

Melee Weaponry:Edit

Screwdrivers: these are good for stabbing a zombies brains, but can easilly get stuck in there head. due to zombies rotting skin, almost anything can break through it, but they can survive far worse than humans can. It is not recommended unless highly skilled, for they get you dangerously close to a zombies mouth.

Crowbar: Smashing in the skull and stabbing in the eyesocket. Also good for practical uses, such as moving heavy objects. Highly recommended.

Katana: Sleek and deadly, and good for severing limbs. However, make sure the model is a battle-ready model, not simply one for show. Highly recommended if battle-ready.

Axe: Powerful enough to crack skulls, but may get lodged in a zombie's skull. Recommended for 1-10 zombies.

Hatchet: Good for close combat situations. Recommended.

Kitchen knives: Mediocre for fighting zombies, but not to be ignored if you have few options. Aim for the eyesocket or temple. Not recommended.

Hammer: Not recommended, as it requires you to become dangerously close to the zombie.

Sledgehammer: Powerful enough to shatter skulls, but heavy and useless in close combat situations, and also too heavy when on the run.

Golf club: Weak, and will bend or break easily. Dismiss from your weapons list.

Baseball bat: Good enough for one or two fights with a zombie, but may bend.

Machete: Perfect for severing limbs, and when in forests or swamps, but difficult to destroy the brain with. Highly recommended.

Chainsaw: Heavy, and loud, thus attracting zombies. Also has a finite amount of fuel, which when is gone, is no better than a box. Not at all recommended.

Powerdrill: Loud, and will attract zombies. Also not powerful enough to destroy a skull unless stabbed through the eyesocket. Not recommended.

Spear or pike: Good for holding zombies at bay, and for spearing in the eye, but otherwise too heavy and useless in close combat situations.

Lead pole: Good for smashing skulls but not good in enclosed spaces. Recommended in open spaces.

Frying pan: Great at smashing skulls, but nothing else. Also heavy and rather impractical when on the go.

Poison tipped sword, knife, etc: As poison has no effects on zombies, dismiss this as a weapon.

Use any of the recommended weapons above, and aim for these parts of a zombie.

  1. Use your head, and destroy theirs.
  2. Destroy their arms, it will stop them from grabbing you or dragging you.

After the head is knocked off a zombie will not still be able to move it's legs, arms, or torso. But the head will still be alive, so take caution and dispose of it by using fire. Do not destroy the limbs, as a crawling zombie is much harder to dispatch than a walking one, it is a waste of time, and they act like mines as well, as if you get too close it will grab your leg and bite you. Of course, when fighting swarms, melee weapons become too slow, and that is when firearms can be introduced. When using firearms, aim for the head, and ONLY the head.


Semiautomatic rifle: The most practical zombie weapon, as it is fast to reload, light, and good for headshots, although not in close combat sitations. The best firearm against zombies.

Hunting rifle: Good for long range and a makeshift sniper, but as with the Semiautomatic rifle, not good for close combat situations.

Zombie caught on tape!01:17

Zombie caught on tape!


Assault rifle: Rapid fire wastes bullets and is not recommended, but if a absolute must, take any of the AK family.

Machine gun: Rapid fire wastes hundreds, maybe thousands of bullets when only one is needed. Also heavy and wasteful. Dismiss from your weapons list.

Sniper rifle: Good for long range and perfect for sniping, but is loud and terrible for close combat situations.

Shotgun: Good for killing single zombies and knocking zombies back, giving you time, but rather impractical, and the size of the shells will create an extra load of weight.

Pistol: Good for secondary weapons for close combat, but not recommended as your full-time weapon. Dual pistols is a waste of ammo, as it prevents aim and is impractical.

Light machinegun: Same applies for this as for the Machinegun. Dismiss from your weapons list.

Rocket launcher/RPG: Heavy, big, impractical unless fighting a massive swarm of zombies, and even then, their cells do not react to explosives as ours do, so do not expect even half of the effect that it would do on a crowd of humans. Dismiss unless the situation appeals.

Bow and arrow: Not powerful enough to puncture the brain, and needs expertise. Flaming arrows are good when setting fire traps, but nothing else.

Crossbow: Good for silent weapon and when with scope, a good secondary weapon choice. It's only good for sniping, since it takes a long time to reload, do not use in normal combat situations.

Sling: While a sling can be deadly to a zombie, it is somewhat impracticle, as it takes time to spin it to get enough momentum to be deadly. Also it can be a bit innaccurate.

Slingshot: It's more accurate then a sling, but lacks punch needed to cause any real damage.

Throwing knives/Throwing stars: Unless you are a master at this, which only few can claim the title of, dismiss from your weapon list.

Flamethrower: Very Rare, a reckless waste of fuel, and a great way to make a massive, flaming horde of zombies light a city on fire. Dismiss from weapon list.

Another strategy is to set zombies on fire. This will kill any zombie with ease. Try to incorporate fire with traps, since this is the best way to set zombies aflame. But keep in mind, a flame can be as deadly to you as it to a zombie. Whenever making a fire trap, make sure you can control the blaze is neccesary. Another thing to keep in mind is that they aren't smart, if a wall is between you and it, the zombie will try to climb it despite their inablity to climb anything above 6 feet. They cannot learn, they can't think or do anything with the brain other than move and eat.

url Powers & AbilitiesEdit

  • Superhuman Strength - While not considered superhuman, zombies are roughly 3 times physically stronger than they were in life. A single zombie may be defeated, but a whole pack can overpower and dismember a man in seconds.
  • Superhuman Stamina - Since zombies are no longer human there are unable to feel any pain due to their receptors, nerves and veins stopped to function, also they are unable grow tired or sick or weak, and old.
  • Immortality Due to being members of the undead like ghosts and vampires zombies stop aging and can only die if you destroy their heads or their whole bodies.
  • Regenerative Healing Factor - Because zombies cant feel pain or any physical emotions they can get back up their feet and can regain some strength if they lose a body part to get another.
  • Fearlessness - Zombie are amazingly brave probably due to their lack of intellect and common sense and emotionless personality they recklessly attack anything in sight regardless big, small, strong, weak, fast, or slow, and smart and dumb like themselves.

Zombies are not superhuman in any sense of the word, but they are very persistant, they aren't going to give up no matter what happens unless they "die". They do however depend on all senses equally (not unlike a blind person) and seem to have no limits to their energy. Depending on which medium they are from, zombies will eventually die out by themselves as they continue to deteriorate until they've decomposed completely.

  • Infectious Bite - What makes zombies so dangerous and terrifying, however, is their infectious bite. In most modern zombie media, zombies infect the people they try to devour. A single scratch or bite is enough to pass on the infection to another human being, and eventually the victim will succumb to the illness and die, reanimating as a zombie seconds after death. Being killed whilst infected but not yet turned accelerates the process, unless the infectee's brain is destroyed. The time it takes for total zombification to set in varies depending upon the subject's immune system, and where the virus is placed in their body. It can be as swift as a handful of minutes or as long as days, but there is no way to tell until the transformation happens. A zombie is also stronger than most human beings, simply because of their brains. A zombie's brain only keeps them alive and doesn't make the zombie subconsciously restrict itself from using its full strength in fear of breaking bones, as is the case with humans.


Zombies do not have the brain capacity to speak, but they can and do moan when sensing prey, which is a form of communication.

Example: A zombie see's a human, and moans. A mile away, another zombie hears the moan, moans itself and comes after the first zombie. Another zombie hears that zombie moan and comes after it. Say there are a hundred zombies per mile, and you can get swarms of thousands. This is the only form of communication zombies have.

It should be noted that this "communication" isn't intentional, the zombies, driven by instinct, are attracted by the sound, which could lead to prey, they are not actively aware that it's another zombie.

In Popular CultureEdit

There are many shows, movies, games and books that include zombies. List any you know here.

  • Highschool of the Dead: A manga & anime (Japanese comic and animation respectively) series following five teenagers, a young girl, a dog and a nurse who are trying to survive in a zombie apocalypse. The manga has been voted one of the worst but the anime has proven to be extremely popular.
  • The Walking Dead: A tv series about a man who gets shot and goes into a coma. When he wakes up, people are dying, the dead are walking and his best friend is dating his wife. He goes across America, trying to survive in this new world. The special effects of The Walking Dead are some of the best in all zombie-based television and movies to date. There is also a role playing video game version, with new characters, but some resemble the old ones.
  • Left 4 Dead: A game made by Valve (who made Portal, Half Life and Counterstrike) about four strangers working together to survive a zombie apocalypse. This game has spawned countless custom maps, as well as a game mode based on it in Blizzard's Starcraft 2 called Left 2 Die. A feature not very common to zombie games is the inclusion of Special Infected, such as the Boomer, who vomits on survivors, leading the horde to them and explodes into a shower of the attracting bile when killed.
  • Zombie Survival Guide: A book about how to survive the zombie apocalypse. Though a work of fiction, it does offer some surprisingly good hints for those who believe the zombie apocalypse is right around the corner.
  • Nazi Zombies: A survival mode in Treyarch's Call of Duty games. It started with World at War and was continued to Black Ops. Treyarch has stated that it will continue in Black Ops 2. Treyarch and Infinity Ward, who make the Modern Warfare series of Call of Duty games, have a sort of rivalry between Nazi Zombies and Spec Ops mode.
  • Zombieland: A movie about a guy in the zombie apocalype. It involves a list of rules to survive, as well as a scene with Bill Murray portraying himself, where he scares the four main characters by pretending to be a zombie version of himself. Tallahassee, played by Woody Harrelson, is the classic zombie slayer in the film, taking out an entire horde by himself with a pump-action shotgun, an M16 and a pair of Desert Eagles.
  • Resident Evil: The classic zombie game series by Capcom, Resident Evil is about a zombie apocalypse which began in Raccoon City. The Umbrella Corporation was behind this. Like Left 4 Dead, it includes special types of zombies, known as B.O.W's, including the Nemesis T-Type and the Licker.
  • Warm Bodies: A girl falls in love with a zombie by the name of "R." This zombie gradually changes back into a human the more his girlfriend loves him.
  • no more room in hell:a game with zombies and a lot of weapons and have gun menus only on servers they say and its about survival.

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